


Pumpkin Pie (More or Less)

by Thunderhel



Series: Monster Haus [5]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Magic AU, monster au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-29 04:05:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8474680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thunderhel/pseuds/Thunderhel
Summary: Pumpkin carving went horribly awry somewhere along the way.    Prompt for the Monster Haus AU: Holsom and pumpkin carving.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Part of the **[Monster Haus AU]()** on tumblr. Featuring Elf Holster and Sasquatch Ransom.
> 
> I know I'm a little late posting this for Halloween, but whatever I got there eventually.

“Hey so,” Holster shifted, turning his perfectly carved Jack-O-Lantern around and lifting it up in front of his face to show off to Ransom, “do you think this is what Dex’s dad looks like? Like, do you think I could send him to his room if I put it on my head?” 

All Holster could see was orange, but from the other side of the pumpkin he heard a sound that sounded suspiciously like choking. With a frown he lowered his pumpkin, equal parts concerned for Ransom and annoyed that his joke hadn’t landed.

Across the wooden picnic table Ransom had a hand clamped over his mouth, his other arm resting far too casually alongside his own pumpkin. Despite how quickly Holster was able to finish, Ransom seemed to have only gotten one eye cut out.

“Dude, how are you so far behind me? What are you doing?” 

Ransom’s eyes were wide but he shrugged, one hand still clamped over his mouth. Holster narrowed his eyes. As he stared at him, he found his gaze slipping to the side, falling over Ransom’s shoulder. He was kind of hard to focus on, almost like-

“HEY!” Holster snapped, brandishing his carving knife like a weapon. “Don’t you try to use your goddamn Squatchy powers on me!” 

“Don’t call them squatchy powers!” Ransom retorted. His words were heavy and muffled behind his hand. 

“Bro, are you eating something?”

Ransom swallowed hard and let his hand fall to the table. “What? No!” His eyes darted to the side and he licked the edge of his lips.

“Dude, seriously, what the fuck are you eating and why aren’t you sharing?” Holster leaned over the table, scanning Ransom’s side, but found nothing in the way of hidden food. 

“I’m not eating anything!” Ransom repeated, holding a hand up. 

They both realized his mistake at the same time.

“What’s on your hand?”

Ransom’s hand retreated under the table. “…Nothing.” 

Holster hit his head on the table as he tried to glance under it before Ransom could hide it again. “Dude…are you eating the pumpkin insides?”

“NO.”

“OH MY GOD WHAT THE _FUCK_.”

“WHAT?”

“DON’T EAT THE PUMPKIN INSIDES RANSOM.” 

“THEY’RE SO GOOD!” Ransom leaned his head back, crying out loud enough that they could probably be heard inside the Haus at this point. “IT’S THE SAME AS PUMPKIN PIE!”

“NO IT’S NOT RANS! NO IT’S _NOT_.” 

“YOU DON’T KNOW HOLTZY, YOU DON’T _KNOW_!”

“Where the fuck did you learn to eat raw pumpkin insides?”

Ransom looked mildly panicked, and Holster wondered briefly how deep this eating pumpkins thing went. “I don’t know, my mom use to just eat it straight, and I did it too and I didn’t realize it wasn’t a normal thing until like high school.”

“Did you go to an all Sasquatch middle school?” 

“Shut up. You’re a fucking elf. All you eat is goddamn vegetables and shit.”

“Not fucking _gourds_.” 

“Why not?”

“Because that’s stupid.” 

Ransom threw his hands in the air in frustration. “I saw you eat a fucking leaf the other day and I’m getting shit for an actual vegetable.”

“IT’S NOT A VEGETABLE.”

“IT’S MORE A VEGETABLE THAN A LEAF.” 

Holster let out a sigh that was closer to a quiet scream. After a moment of composing himself he turned his Jack-O-Lantern back around to consider its face again. He made it almost a full minute before looking back at Ransom.

“So…what does it taste like.”

Ransom pointed an accusing finger and Holster jumped back like he had taken a stab. “I fucking knew it man.”

“You don’t know shit.”

“You gotta try it.”

“I’m not eating pumpkin guts.”

“DO IT!” Ransom’s shout startled a few birds out the tree, and Holster had about three seconds to appreciate it before a glob of pumpkin was being thrust in his face. 

“Aw, _sick_.”

“Do it man. Experience the fuckin’ joy.” 

Holster scrunched up his nose, eyeing up the orange pulp. Tentatively, with a cautious look at Ransom, he accepted the goo in his hand. “Oh god it’s so slimey.”

“So are like, 90% of fruits and vegetables, don’t be a bitch.” 

“I’ll be whatever I want!” Holster snapped before returning to the mess in his hand. 

Holster surveyed it for another moment before he bit the bullet, or rather the pumpkin. He frowned as the mess slid over his tongue and the seeds crunched under his teeth. Okay, maybe it wasn’t the actual worst, but-

“What are you doing?” 

Holster froze, feeling Lardo’s gaze hot on the side of his face. His eyes darted to the side and met her judgemental black eyes.

“Are you eating the inside of a pumpkin?” 

“Yeah, Holtz.” Holster’s eyes darted to Ransom. “That’s so fucking weird.”

Holster nearly choked on a seed as he gasped in betrayal.

“HOW COULD YOU?”

“How could you eat pumpkin that’s so gross.”

“It is pretty fucking gross,” Lardo agreed. 

“ _BRUTUS_.”

Before either could react, Holster reached across the table, scooping up a handful of pumpkin guts and lobbing it at Ransom. His fellow D-man failed to duck in time and took the hit right in the face.

“ _AGH_.”

“That’s right you-AH!” Holster slammed himself against the table, pumpkin splattering against his hair instead of his face. “Oh it’s on now.”

“Nothing is on!” Lardo insisted, hands over her hair as she darted back from the sudden fray. 

“THIS IS WAR LARDO.”

“GET OUT OR GET WRECKED.”

“I HATE BOTH OF YOU.”

**_X_ _X_ _X_**

Tango leaned against the window sill, tail twitching with curiosity against his calf. He glanced away as Bitty joined him, the other taking a long sip of what smelled like apple cider.

“What are they doing?” 

Outside, Ransom and Holster were covered in an orange goo, Lardo darting between them with far less mess on her but she seemed to be involved in the fight anyway.

“ _FUCK YOU.”_

“ _FUCK_ YOU.” 

“Carving pumpkins,” Bitty answered, like that should have been obvious.

Tango’s ears perked as Ransom tackled Holster to the ground, the two of them rolling across the front lawn. They were still screaming as they tumbled, Lardo chasing after the two of them with a bucket, reaching inside and chucking globs of the orange mystery substance at their two captains.

Bitty inhaled the scent of his drink, hands tucked tight around the mug, his smile fond and posture easy. “I love fall,” he mused, taking another drink as he turned away from the window.

Tango tilted his head, following the movement outside with rapt attention. He liked it here, he decided silently. He liked the hockey team.

He just…had a lot of questions.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my god this is 1111 words how cool is that? 
> 
> Anyway fight me at **[Dexondefense](http://dexondefense.tumblr.com/)**.


End file.
